Friday, September 4, 2009

Living on the edge not afraid to die...

Staying at home with your kids all day is boring to the rest of the world. There are those that feel that adrenaline rushes are found in big presentations for big wigs, in launching a new product, or traveling to a new city every week on business, trying new food. I know children look like a burden, keeping you boring, with your super safe minivan and bland french fries and kid friendly food and predictable schedules.

If you've ever read parenting magazines, you'll quickly see that there is a safe way to mother. It includes plans for meals, every new gadget ever invented, and listening to scientists and Dr. Sears. In these things is safety and security.

I like to live on the edge though.
Take a risk.
Ignore some of the rules.

For example, I leave the house without wipes. Or purell. Who knows what hazardous substance will infect us or our clothing while we're out, but we're taking our chances.

I don't buy organic anything. Unless I get kashi coupons for free food in the mail. I think this means my body is going to rot from the inside out with bad chemicals, unless I'm one of the chosen few who's body just pees it out. And I give my kids sugar. And no vitamins. I'm pretty sure this means they will grow up to be emotionally dependent on food and love it so much, they'll have pie parties and reminisce about fried apple fritters and all the deprived kids will feel...well deprived.

I let my children dress themselves, and unless it's not suitable for the activity, it stays. This could be potentially dangerous, because my kids are color and pattern blind. And I'm sure people see them and think they're little orphan children and are all ready to find Dept. of Children's Services until I appear.

I try to answer the question "WHY?" The ensuing conversation could last seconds or hours. This is a big risk. It almost always ends in the story of the creation of the world or market economics.

Sometimes I don't know what's for dinner until I go to cook it. This is an extreme sport. Will we have the right cream soup? Did we run out of chow mein noodles? And then there's the substitutions necessary- is cheddar cheese the secret to this casserole? Guess we'll find out! Even more heart pounding is the moment the fork goes to the kid's mouth. Gag or smile. Which will it be??? The suspense is killing me.

I take my kids into stores that are not kid friendly- Lowes, any department store, furniture stores, Hobby Lobby. Pure adrenaline as I turn around to see glass millimeters away from my kids touch. Will she freeze when I say "freeze?" Or will the allure of trendy goods win over a mother's call?

Speaking of leaving the house, I regularly forget to have them go to the bathroom before we leave. It's like Amazing race trying to find a bathroom near the front of a store before your child loses their self discipline.

What do you do that's "living on the edge" of motherhood?


Amy said...

i let my husband drive the car with them IN IT... enough said.

Tara said...

I'm totally going to start quoting you: "It almost always ends in the story of the creation or market economics." SO TRUE. Love it.

Laura Oler said...

At the risk of being reported to CPS... I let my kids play outside unsupervised, even my 2 year old (yes, I do check on them periodically). I let them eat food that has fallen on the floor (unless we're in a bathroom). I let them help cook (and pick at the food) when I'm making dinner. And most of the things you listed, too -- great list! Oh, and we still have a trampoline in spite of the doctor telling us it's dangerous and Katia breaking her arm.

P&J(or one or the other) said...

I love this! I do all these things too, and I am sure we are much less stressed for it!

Saric said...

I wanted to leave a really awesome comment on this post, but I've got nothing! That's some pretty crazy living on the edge!

Indiana Haffners said...

Jacki you are hilarious! A girl after my own heart. Keep it on the edge - that is the only place to be!

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