How to Be Awesome- Part 2

1. If you want your kids to come quickly and stop getting into trouble, go into the treats closet and get out some chocolate. Crinkle the bag loudly. Wherever they are, they will hear it, and be all up ons in seconds. Or sit down and read a book. They'll come running and be all up ons then too.

2. If you want your kids to run away and play, pull out a hair brush and try to comb their hair. Or for boys, do some spit cleaning on their face. Off they go....Or start grinding wheat. Superloud, lots of dust, kids will stay away for at least 10, maybe 15 minutes. Then you bust out the real candy...

3. If you want to reduce the calories on those yummy frosted sugar cookies, drop the cookie. The frostings the best part. I keep a spoon in my frosting, so I don't waste calories getting/washing new ones.

4. If you've lost something and it's bugging you, go buy a replacement already. The old one will show up approximately two days after you buy a new one. Guaranteed.

5. If your kids are bored while you're in the car, teach them this song: "The Addams family started when Mrs Addams farted...then they all became retarded...the Addam's Family..." One of John's faves.

6. If your kids are bored with their toys, clean out from: under the couch, under the bed, the back of their closet, behind the entertainment center. Most toys hidden there have been in hiding for 6 months. And preserved well. You might even score a vintage sippy cup.

7. If you want to teach your kids about mold growth, let them see said sippy cup. Just look, don't open. You have been warned.

Now, go be awesome!