Wednesday, February 4, 2009

Last week...

Was tough.

The week started out innocently enough, but I found myself doing nothing but things on the computer, not in the mood to work out, not in the mood to play. You know something's up with your hormones when you have the urge to eat a whole candy bar right before dinner. And then I had another week of watching a few more of my friends from back in the day announce their pregnancies. I never understood what it meant to covet, when I read it in the scriptures. But now I'm understanding what it means to desire something so much, that it hurts to see others enjoying that thing. I could give you a long list of silver linings to not being pregnant, but sometimes, you think- I think this is my month, and then it's not.

In the course of doing lots of computer stuff, I somehow strained the left of my neck, which meant I was impatient for 3 days because I couldn't get comfortable. My last post was the crescendo to a week of complaints.

This week has been better. Even though Natalie's got a flu bug, and threw up yesterday, and has had diarrhea every two hours today. My attitude has changed, and the whole town is blanketed in snow (still at 3 pm! It's a miracle! Snow always melts by noon here). I really need sunshine and a big to do list to keep my mind busy and pushing forward. I have 3 times as many things to do this week, but the challenge of stuffing it all in and getting it all done rejuvenates me.

So today, when Sophia says to me "Mom, I think I need a better Mom," I responded with
"Oh yeah, why's that?" rather than running into my room and crying. Which would have been last week's response.

Turns out a better mom would play with her more. True, so true. Apparently she's picked up on the fact that I am still figuring out how to have joy while playing with my children. It's a challenge for me. But this week, I'm ready for it.

1 comment:

Jodi said...

I am so with you. We have been trying now for a few months and I like you think myself into thinking it is the month and now by some miracle it has happened, but then "it" comes and I know I am not. It is hard. we felt so right about trying, it does over whelm you, so I so get it! It happened the first month after trying before, so it is hard to understand.

I have a hard time being a good mom too. I don't particuarly enjoy playing cars, trucks and air planes, but I try and that is what matters. You are doing great and you do such creative things with them. You look like a fun mom to me!

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